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Diva Distractionsby DuckeeDiva™ (Blogging since Jan 2005)
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May 28 Confessions of a Cracked EggI have an unhealable ache that burns in the bottom of my soul. A dark shadow that swallows my heart, turning me into this lifeless shell. Ever since getting married, I feel like I have lost complete control of my life. And becoming a mom, well, that just aggravated the situation by adding just a little bit of salt and lemon juice to the open wound.
My poor hubby. He loves me with all his heart, and tries so hard to make me happy. He's a good husband, and a good father. But no matter how much I love him, I know in my heart that I will never be happy in this sort of conventional family lifestyle. I need them both in my life, but first: I need a life! My daughter is far too young to understand the pain that her mother feels, but I know that I need to be an example and rolemodel to her by being true to myself. I love them both so much, but for years, home hasn't felt like home to me.
I'm losing my spark, my spirit. It's only a matter of time before I realize that there is no healthy option for me but to escape before the few numb remains of my soul extinguish. I'm a bird who loves freedom, a captive tiger who paces in her own cage. May 18 HIDY HO!Among the madness, I have found my way back to my blog. YAYE! lol
In the past few weeks, there have been many adventures... None quite as memorable as my 30th birthday, I think. I had wanted something special to celebrate the third decade since my birth. A full day of fun was ahead of me. My friends and I were going to get pampered at a spa (and I mean PAMPERED!! I got myself a massage, a mud bath and a pedicure: HEAVEN!!!) all afternoon. We then headed to dinner @ Montana's where we waited a wee bit too long for our dinner, which resulted in us inhaling our food like ferocious beasts. lol ;) Gotta luv those veggie burgers.... <3 From there, some of us parted ways. Personally, I headed to Cherie's for a change of wardrobe (and some shooters) and off we went to a girl's house for some partying. After a few drinks, we went dancing at the Voodoo. VERY fun! And from there, the Sports Rock. I got home at nearly 4:30 am. THAT brought the good ol' days flooding back, baby! :) I felt like a million bucks...
The next day, however, running on only a few measly hours of sleep, my body felt like a raggedy old boot. If a boot felt like vomitting. I can't run on no sleep. I can't. But when you're a mom, you don't get the luxury of catching those precious required Zzzzs. lol So as I waited for the room to stop spinning, Rita sat with me on the bathroom floor. If I felt the urge to regurgitate, she rubbed my arm and said "mommy sick". When I finally WAS sick, she started to cry. lol SO cute... After that raunchy pub food was out of my system (I remember Sports Rock being WAY tastier than that, somehow..), I was fine. No headache, nothing. Not sure if it was a hangover or indigestion, honestly. But I felt fine! :) Just tired as HELL. ;) I didn't feel thirty. And when I looked in the mirror, I didn't look any older. It wasn't as bad as I thought!
The next day, a customer told me I was old because I remembered the Eaton's store. Thanks a lot, dude. Way to kick a birthday girl down. I felt like telling him to fuck off. ;)
Since then, there have been ventures to the park, the mall, the computer (to edit pics) and of course: work. Lucky for me, I was put on a project of sorts for the rest of the month, so I get to challenge my brain a little.
I hope all is well with the outside world and until next time: ciao!
May 04 Long overdue... I knowMy world is busy/exhausting, but I try to get as much satisfaction out of life as I can. Not to say that I still witness bizarre things that make me ask "WTF". lol (Like men jerking off in bus stops. Lovely.)
The big 3-0 approaches next weekend. I have an afternoon at the spa booked with some gal pals... I can't wait for the spa, but the birthday... well... I could wait. lol The age bothers me, but I am also bothered by the long list of things that I still want to accomplish in life. And yet, I'm conflicted with a nagging theory of human insignificance. You know the one. "What is the purpose of my existance? Why am I here?"
My 365 project continues, through which I am learning a lot about myself. This is the most recent bunch:
April 17 Couple # 2The second couple that I chose as potential parents for surrogacy.... got pregnant!!! What are the odds? LOL
So now, I'm faced with a decision. Do I go for couple # 3 or do I put surrogacy on hold while I pursue the desire to take photography classes?
Getting excited!The spa called to give me a list of people who had booked for my/Bridget's birthday (since they are now fully booked for that day). Looks like our group is gonna be a foursome. Me, Bridget, Cherie, and Denise will get pampered like divas that day... I can't wait! I've always wanted a spa day!!
April 15 HappeningsMy life (like any other) is a roller coasters of beautiful chaos. Although not much is being blogged, I am still out there and kicking! I'm still working, still raising my silly little clown of a daughter, still exploring this crazy world day by day.
I'm waiting for word from the surrogacy agency. I had chosen a second couple, chosen to carry their child. Now I wait to see if they will accept. If they accept, I will be proceding. If they decline, I will put this project on hold for a bit. As most of you know, my life "to do" list is extensive. So waiting for surrogacy is putting everything else on hold. I may decide to place surrogacy on hold temporarily, in order to complete another goal, primarily: to take some formal photography courses. Once the photography training is complete, I will resume the application for surrogacy, searching for a match through the masses of potential parents.
In other news, my nephew's third birthday just wrapped up, as did Cherie and Craig's "adoption" shower.
I know my blogging is spuratic (sp?) but I spend most of my spare time focussing on either photography (yaye Flickr!), household errands, and friends. So blogging is on the back burner right now. I also have a few other (anonymous) blogs scattered accross the internet as well, and still feel the need to keep all of them running. My need to write is muffled in the background, but it remains there, lurking (god I love that word) in the back of my mind. So I blog on.
Life is good, my friends!
April 06 *** K ***Ten things I dig that begin with the letter K:
1- Kids (they may drive us batty from time to time, but they're so friggin' entertaining!)
2- Karma (it's a powerful bitch!)
3- Karaoke (like singing, only brainless! LOVE IT! YAYE!)
4- Kisses (need I say more???)
5- Koala bears (SO cute...)
6- Kaleidoscopes (ooooh, pretty colors...)
7- Kitchen gadgets (No matter how useless or redundant they sometimes can be...... they are amusing! haha)
8- Ketchup (I put it on almost everything!! LOL)
9- Kitties (soft and cuddly and playful...)
10- Kiwi fruit (mmmmm... juicy!)
April 04 Luv it!March 30 Food ApathyI kid you not. I've noticed that I am becoming a little bored with food. Granted, it doesn't help that I'm a mom (which means I sometimes forget to eat or when I do, end up "sharing" my food with a miniature person) who works nights (which means my meals are MESSED UP, yo) and who stands alone as a vegetarian in a carnivorous circle. So eating is sometimes challenging. I don't starve, but I just don't have as much gusto as I used to. I don't bother with presentation, don't fuss with flavors.
Lack of time + lack of energy = lack of passion
So today, in an effort to rekindle my passion for good food, I took the time to make myself an extra special lunch from scratch: "Parisiennes" Potatoes (slow roasted with olive oil, garlic, sea salt and rosemary), with a side of brocoli salad (blanched brocoli, fat free mayo, vinegar, chives, cheddar, raisins, simulated bacon bits). THAT should do the trick! lol
Disclaimer: drooling on your keyboard is hazardous to your health.
Not much else is new on the radar, at the moment. I am happy to see more and more signs of spring, but... it's not coming soon enough! I do hope that this time next year, I will be going somewhere sunny, warm and exotic!
Ciao for now!
(Thanks Janelle!)2 Questions
Question 1:
If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already, three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally challenged, and she had syphilis, would you recommend that she have an abortion? Read the next question before looking at the response for this one. Question 2:
It is time to elect a new world leader, and only your vote counts. Here are the facts about the three candidates. Who would you vote for? Candidate A. Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologist. He's had two mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day. Candidate B.
He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in college and drinks a quart of whiskey every evening. Candidate C. He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke, drinks an occasional beer and never cheated on his wife. Which of these candidates would be our choice?
Decide first... No peeking, then scroll down for the response.
Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt. Candidate B is Winston Churchill. Candidate C is Adolf Hitler. And, by the way, on your answer to the abortion question:
If you said YES, you just killed Beethoven. Pretty interesting isn't it? Makes a person think before judging someone.
March 29 *** J ***10 things that I like/appreciate that begin with the letter "J"
1- Jam (esp strawberry freezer jam!)
2- "J" (the person! haha)
3- Jurassic Park (I know, I know, but I like that movie. Shut up.)
4- Juice (mmmm mmmmm!)
5- Junk (what else would I keep inside my trunk? LOL Ok, my apologies for the B.E.P. reference. lol)
6- Jellybeans (yes, even those black ones!)
7- Jujubes (yes, even those black ones! LOL)
8- Jersey cows (I call them all "Norman", like on City Slickers. hehehe)
9- Jersey Milk (a delicious Neilson treat)
10- Juba (a perfume oil from The Body Shop)
March 27 The next 42The latest collage of self-portraits from my 365 Days project:
![]() I'm on day 87 now.
Another 279 days left
Then I can cross-off this project from my bucket list!
March 26 I shit you notIs there anything more gross than going to the bathroom when someone in the next stall is having a poop?
There sure is!
How about: going to the bathroom when the person in the next stall is having a poop...
... while talking on the phone!!!
NICE.
(Note to my friends: please don't call me while you're on the can. Seriously. I'll wait. LOL)
OppositesMonday afternoon was FABULOUS! I had a stinky-yet-delicious falafel lunch with Jada and Denise. Then I wandered downtown. Stopped at the tattoo parlour for a new girly pink tongue ring. Then I hit Frenchy's, digging through the bins like a mad woman. I found a few thing for myself (a cute sundress, a cute designer style purse, and a book) and the rest was for Rita (a big bag of clothes and a kids book). All for 20$. Gotta luv it. Then I hit Timothy's for a decaf caramel latté and some time alone with my thoughts. The day could not have been better. The only thing that coulda made it better was if Candy Chameleon was open (but it wasn't) or if I didn't have to work (which I did). But otherwise: top notch!!!!! :D
Tuesday afternoon was.... not so fabulous! I got to work and realized that I had forgotten my keys to get into the office and into my storage bin. Had to go all the way back home to get them. Ash and I had a fight. Then it was just me and one other guy working the night shift (everyone else was either sick or on vacation or sick AND on vacation. lol) AND there were 15-25 calls in queue all night. (And I do mean ALL night).
Today can only be better.... Ed's new collar came in the mail, so: GOOD DAY FOR HIM! haha March 23 Duckies are taking over!Thanks to Seraphx, I found a plethora (love that word!) of duckie gadgets!!!
Check 'em out (available at Gizmodo):
![]() ![]() ![]() Pink Vibrating Duckie (Adults Only!)
(The ultimate DuckeeDiva symbolic icon. Some would call this my "Signature Duck"! LOL)
![]() (And last, but CERTAINLY not least)
![]() MEME TIME! (Courtesy of Cherie)
Three jobs I have had in my life: 2) Porn salesperson
3) Stay at home mommy (that was only temporary mat. leave, but it was the best year of my life!)
Three movies I would watch over and over: 1) Nightmare Before Christmas 2) Beetlejuice
3) Girl, Interrupted
Three (or so) places I have lived:
1) Acapulco (temporarily) 2) Moncton
3) Riverview
Three shows that I watch: 1) Big Love 2) Iron Chef America
3) Lost
1) Pedro 2) Cherie
3) Jada
Three of my favourite foods: 1) Spinach Pizza
2) Veggie Nachos
3) Veggie "Chicken" burgers with tomatoes and mayo
Three places I'd rather be right now: 1) At the spa getting pampered (Soon.... That birthday spa day is just around the corner !!!!!) 2) Sitting next to a natural spring water pool, at a quiet vegetarian resort in South America
3) At Zen Garden Cafe, eating soy protein nuggest and rice noodles
Things I am looking forward to this year: 1) Summer (WOOHOO!) | ||||||||||||||